My previous blog entry was about my anxieties about my gospel choir’s upcoming Christmas concerts.
By: Robin Harry
It was a blessed, uplifting, awesome, unbelievable weekend. The music was beautiful and exciting, the choir was great, and I had a marvelous time! The presence of God was practically palpable, and I was grateful for the opportunity to be a part of it. I sang my heart out with a group of people that I care about very much – I felt so blessed. One of the best parts though, was having my family there. My brother and mom surprised me by being there, and I can’t imagine what it was like for them watching me on stage, knowing where I’ve been and how hard the past year was on us all. It was all just great. I didn’t realize just how much I missed being part of that ministry until yesterday. Oh, and I didn’t suck! (Or I don’t think so anyway…)
My anxieties weren’t entirely unjustified, but they were conquerable. For one, it really was hard for me to talk to my late friend’s family and friends, and I actually admitted that to one of them. Her friend was so gracious, and she really put me at ease; I was so grateful for that. For another, people really don’t know what to say to a cancer survivor – and Lord knows I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t know what to say to me either. However, that aside, people were so gracious to me, so sincere – I was incredibly moved. Also, I will say that I appreciated hearing, “You look great!” over and over. I’ll never refuse a compliment 🙂
The hardest part came from one or two folks that I hadn’t seen in a long time that acted like the last year didn’t happen…not because they didn’t know (cause they knew). I wonder why. Soooo awkward. People are strange. In retrospect, I don’t know why I expected otherwise, but it surprised me. The truth is simple though; I had cancer, now I don’t (thank God), and the last year doesn’t go on the back burner just because it makes some folks uncomfortable. I was so worried before that I wouldn’t know what to say…but something occurred to me at some point during the weekend. I did my best. From here on out, I don’t have to say a darn thing.
The emotions were a little overwhelming at times, and I sometimes avoided the crowds when it was too much. During the Sunday afternoon concert, we started singing a worship song, and I didn’t even make it through the first line. I was ON STAGE (thankfully in the back row) sobbing like crazy. It was the kind of cry during which your face gets contorted and you get all sweaty and drained. You know, the ugly cry. I actually can’t remember the last time I cried that hard. I never cried like that when I actually had cancer. I was such a mess! It was like I was crying to God for everything – in relief, in gratitude for having life and the strength to sing again, in mourning for things lost, in realization of how hard the journey was and how far I’ve come, and in gratitude for people that care about me. I have a lot to be thankful for, and a lot to praise God about.
Soooo….that was my weekend in a nutshell. I’m still on a little high from it all.
In other news….I had one of my follow-up appointments today. Apart from a little low iron, all is well. I graduate to 6 month follow-ups…God willing, I don’t have to see a doctor again till June 2013 🙂